Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Periods of Distrust (Letter to God)

Living this life for 24 years. So much things to said yet for what it have to be said, since I am not the sun.

Since my very childhood I never live up to what I want. Dreams sit calmly in the heaven. 

Some people have money. Good for them. But some people don't.

Some people eat a good food. Good for them. But some people don't.

Some people had their path goes well with their parents backgrounds and support. Good for them. But some people don't.

The other one who had a brilliant IQ pursuing science to what is matter. Good for them. But some people don't.

The other constantly shining on the workplace. Good for them. But some people don't.

The other one keep calm and remain silent. Good for them. But some people don't.

Some of them had love and be loved. Some of them cannot take care of their love. Some of them lost their loved one. Some of them still playing single. Some of them miss how it feels to love and to be loved.

Yet, some people don't.

There are some who blaming their life too yet no action to turn the bow of the ship. Good for them (?) But some people don't.

Some people keep fighting yet they cannot reach their dream eventually. Good for them (?) But some people don't.

And the others like me, screwed in every single bend. Good for me (?) But some people don't.

Sering kali aku bertanya kepada Tuhan kenapa harus seperti ini, kenapa harus seperti itu. Bagaimana bisa seperti ini, bagaimana bisa seperti itu. Terkadang Tuhan menjawabnya dengan waktu. Tapi terkadang Tuhan tetap menyimpan jawabannya.

Melihat kehidupanku 24 tahun ke belakang, banyak sekali keinginan yang tidak tercapai dan beberapa tidak akan pernah terulang. Aku kehilangan banyak hal. Tapi toh Tuhan tetap memenuhi kebutuhanku. 

Tuhan, hanya engkau yang mengetahui apa-apa yang ada di dalam hati dan pikiranku. Tuhan, pernah beberapa kali hamba tidak mempercayai lagi mimpi hamba, padahal itu pula yang membuat manusia bernilai di mata-Mu. Tuhan, tapi hamba tidak pernah berputus harapan akan kasih sayang Mu. Walau pada akhirnya mungkin hamba tidak percaya pada mimpi hamba lagi, tapi izinkan hamba mempercayai kasihsayangMu bahwa Engkau akan selalu memberikan apa-apa yang terbaik dan apa-apa yang hamba butuhkan.

Tuhan, unlike others, I am leaking instead gaining. I lost so much things in this very age. But Your love makes me complete. Tuhan, gantilah setiap tangisan dengan kebahagiaan tak terduga. Tuhan, jawab setiap mimpi dengan keajaiban tak terkira.

Tuhan, lindungi orang-orang yang hamba sayangi dan kasihi. Cinta yang hamba lantunkan dalam doa tolong sampaikan ke mereka dengan cara Mu. Jagalah mereka dalam pelukan Mu.

Tuhan, dalam tangkisku ku merindu Mu.

Tuhan, apa Kau melihatku?



Di tengah kesunyian malam dan kesepian yang mendalam
Jakarta, 22 April 2014


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